Why Am I Here?
“Speak Your Mind” the podcast (and now, the blog) was a project that I was always destined to create. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder all at once by my college’s counseling services in February of 2012 after suffering in silence for the majority of my life. I was soon introduced to the world of antidepressants, therapy, and eating disorder rehabilitation. Although I had friends that were holding my hand through the process and encouraging me, I felt so alone in the process. Then I started slowly coming out of my shell and speaking out about what I was experiencing – I started keeping an account of my journey on Tumblr and following others that had experienced what I was going through. Through this experience, my eyes were truly opened to the magnitude of people that had experiences nearly identical to mine. It was then that I stopped acting like a victim of my circumstances and started acting like a warrior that could conquer anything that my brain chemicals, or life for that matter, threw my way.
It has been seven and a half years since I first stepped into my university’s counseling office with passive suicide ideation on the mind and a strong desire to self-harm. I’ve discovered outlets for my pain that are much more constructive than tearing down those that I love the most and isolating myself. For instance, when I need to blow off steam, I pound the pavement as a long distance runner. When I feel like crying, I let myself cry. When I’m hurting, I write in my mental health journal. When I feel sorry for myself, I volunteer for those less fortunate than I or get involved in local politics. And when I feel like I need to speak out, I pour my work into this podcast and blog.
The idea is to keep moving forward and to never be that shaking, uncertain, hurtful 21-year-old girl that I was back in 2012 before fully embracing treatment. And I hope you’ll move forward with me in your own journeys of self-discovery.